Growing Up Dysfunctional

You wonder why
I don't say "I love you"
You wonder why
You've never heard it
Escape from my lips
Without the coercion
From your need
To justify the absence
Of what should exist

Do you not remember
That just because we share blood
Doesn't mean that the feelings
Automatically come built-in

Do you not remember
How you made me feel unwanted
As you drove me towards the airport
A six year old child
Who in your eyes was wrong
For having the DNA of a man
You made the mistake of loving

Do you not remember
The times your words
Were so good at screaming
I was inadequate
And please don't forget
The times your hands
Were full of anger
And I had to feel
The pain for your inadequacy

Its taken me years
To realize
That it wasn't me
Who was wrong
That it was you
Who wasn't ready
For a child
Who has somehow learned
How to love herself
Despite the fact
That she was told otherwise

You see, I don't say "I love you"
Just to hear a set of empty words
That contain no feeling

I don't say "I love you"
Because I'm still angry
That you were nothing more
Than a shell
Who never seemed to really care enough
To acknowledge the truth
Or to support the dreams behind my eyes

You see, I don't say "I love you"
Because, quite simply
I don't